On Motherhood

When I found out I was pregnant, my biggest fear was labor and how painful it would be. I was afraid but so excited. I was always looking forward to meeting this baby but I didn't think much past labor and delivery. Little did I know that the hardest moments of my life were actually after that.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade being Lizzie's mom for anything. I can't believe the love I have for her, the love I felt so instantly upon meeting her. However, her 3 months of life have been the hardest 3 months of my life. I've heard it time and time again but it is so true that nothing really prepares you for motherhood. I read books, went to classes and yet I felt clueless when this beautiful girl came into my arms. Every week there was a new problem: Jaundice, constipation, colic, napping. And not to mention I had the baby blues. I couldn't help but think that I must have the hardest baby in the world...or I wasn't a good mom. It seemed like all the other mommies just had it figured out. I don't know how many times I told myself, "maybe I'm just not cut out for this."

Tyler has been a life saver. Not only did I snag a terrific husband but he just happens to be a terrific father as well. He is always willing to help with Lizzie. I don't know what I would do without him. Living away from my family hasn't been as difficult as it has become now. My parents visited when Lizzie was born and I sobbed when they left. How can I do this alone? But I have realized that I'm not alone. I have Tyler, and most importantly, I have my Heavenly Father. Let's just say that I have never prayed so much in my life! And along with that, never have I received so many answers to them. God is good.

Motherhood has been rewarding already. Watching Lizzie grow has been a joy. In her early days I would get excited when she would just look me in the eyes. Now she smiles at me and she laughs. When I go get her in the morning after she wakes up, she smiles up at me which totally makes my day. This is only the beginning of our special relationship. And it's only going to get better.

Being a mom is the most difficult thing I have ever done and I've never been so exhausted. However, at the end of the day, I would never give it up. I love Lizzie and I love being her mom. I am extremely blessed to have her and Tyler as my family. So here's to this new life that is motherhood. Bring it on!